A Survival Kit

To survive an average day inside the cave, formally known as Virgil I. Grissom High School, I carry a backpack containing the necessities of life as well as unessential items such as my stainless steel water bottle, my lunch, and my schoolwork. After depositing this virtually worthless mass into my locker, I double check to make sure I still have all my essentials. There are three items I carry in my backpack everyday so that I may live to tell the tale of a day in Grissom High School.

The first item I carry with me at all times is paper. Unlike the average sheet of paper, my paper is not destined for math problems, physics formulas, or history notes. Entire trees have made the journey through my backpack to a better future: helping me stave off boredom. Each sheet of paper spends just a short time in my backpack before soaring off into the abyss as an airplane, ninja star, or other random flying object. When I am in a sporting mood, I create paper footballs and practice my kicking. Occasionally when the moon is full and I feel like a werewolf, I create paper claws. Fortunately, through intricate folding of paper origami, I am able to soothe my savage inner beast. Paper helps me to “cope with the realities” of spending most of my waking hours inside a moldy, festering cave.

The second article I carry in my backpack is my TI-89 graphing calculator. The name of this gadget is misleading. My TI-89 is actually a gaming device with an optional calculator function. While it may appear that I am deeply engrossed in analyzing complex algorithms, I am actually engaged in stacking shapes in Tetris. When playing with blocks is not enough to hold my attention, I turn to Space Invaders in which I destroy enemy ships with my triple plasma cannon. Fortunately, my parents are blissfully unaware of my TI-89’s alter ego. The TI-89 allows me to inconspicuously retreat to a digital world of fun while flying under my teacher’s lazy-student radar.

The third essential I carry is perhaps the most unusual, and it is certainly the most important. I am not normally superstitious, but I know it brings me luck on tests for which I forget to study. When a girl cries, I am a gentleman and offer it to dry her tears. When the restrooms are out of paper towels, it dries my hands. When I have a cold or the swine flu, it is a tissue. When my windshield fogs up, it is a rag. When there is no toilet paper, it wipes me clean. Clearly, it is by far the most vital item I carry with me, and amazingly, one single item is able to fill such a myriad of duties. It is my favorite pair of Fruit of the Looms. What used to support me literally now supports me figuratively.

Sheets of paper, a TI-89 graphing calculator, and my lucky underwear make the pains of everyday life tolerable. They allow me to cope with the stress of being a student at Virgil I. Grissom High School. When I am bored, I take comfort in my paper. Whenever I need to escape the realities of the putrid cave, fondly known as Grissom, the games on my calculator make me happy. My lucky pair of Fruit of the Looms remedies runny noses, teary eyed girls, dirty cars, and dirty buns. My backpack is the perfect transportation vehicle to keep my essentials on hand, ready on a moment’s notice.